What Life in My 30s in New York Feels Like

New York & Your 30s is a new series about life in the city, changing priorities, figuring things out, and everything that comes with being in your 30s. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing the things I want, the things I’m learning, and the little moments that come with this chapter of life.

I recently turned 35, and I've been thinking a lot about what I want the rest of my 30s to feel like.

I don't feel dramatically different from 34. There wasn't some magical switch that happened on my birthday. But I do notice that I care about different things now. Maybe it's knowing myself a little better. Maybe it's simply getting older and becoming less interested in living according to someone else's idea of what my life should look like.

I want these years to feel like a new chapter.

More than anything, I want them to feel like I'm finally living my life.

I want ordinary days to feel good

I like starting my days early. Partly because I have cats to take care of, and partly because I like having a little head start on the day.

In New York, my mornings are a mix of routine and city energy. Yoga at home while the city is already waking up outside. Coffee at my apartment when that's easier, or grabbing one somewhere nearby when I feel like getting out.

Then, eventually, my laptop, my notes and my little desk setup.

Working from home gives me the kind of freedom I want, but I don't feel stuck in the same four walls every day either. Some mornings, I take my laptop to a coffee shop or a library and work there for a few hours.

And whenever I can, I walk.

In the morning. In the evening. Sometimes with somewhere to go, sometimes without.

There's something about walking around New York that makes you feel like you have somewhere to be even when you don't. The streets, the people, the noise, the subway, the little places you pass every day. I enjoy all of that instead of constantly rushing through it.

My home is actually where I enjoy coming back to.

After all that city energy, my apartment feel like my own little world.

Cosy, comfortable and personal. A place that feels good at the end of the day. A place where I make dinner, put some music on, watch something, read or simply do absolutely nothing.

I don't need everything to be perfect.

I just open the door and feel: this is my home.

And then there are my cats, my babies, my world.

I like being able to go out and enjoy everything the city has to offer, knowing that I have somewhere quiet to come back to.

One of the things I love about New York is that there is always something else.

A coffee shop you've never noticed. A bookstore you walk into for “five minutes” and somehow stay for an hour. A neighbourhood you've barely explored. A park you've never properly walked through. A restaurant you suddenly decide to try.

I have my favourite places and my little routines, while still leaving room for new ones.

I love being able to spend a Saturday alone and having no problem with it.

I like going out for a coffee, taking the subway somewhere, walking around for a while, browsing a bookstore, sitting in a park, getting lunch, and coming home whenever I feel like it.

Being alone doesn't scare me.

Actually, I quite like it.

Especially in a city like New York, being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely. There are millions of things to see and do, and you don't need to wait for someone else to be available before you go and experience them.

There's also something freeing about making your own decisions. You choose where to go, what to eat, when to leave, and when you've had enough.

And honestly, sometimes it's just nice to have no one to argue with.

I like being ambitious without making work my entire life

In fact, I'm ambitious at 35.

Very much so.

I build things I'm proud of. I keep learning. I have goals and actually work towards them.

But I don't want my entire identity to become my work.

I know I can close my laptop and still have a life waiting for me.

A walk. Dinner. Friends. A coffee somewhere. A quiet evening at home. Maybe absolutely nothing planned.

I think that's something I understand better now than I did in my 20s. Being ambitious doesn't mean every hour has to be productive.

Sometimes having a life you actually enjoy is the point.

I don't need a huge group of friends.

I have a small circle of people who are genuinely close to me, loyal and there when it matters.

But I also enjoy my independence.

I like knowing that I can do my own thing. I don't need someone around me all the time, and I don't want to feel guilty for needing space.

I'm also not particularly good at last-minute plans.

Give me a plan and I'm happy. Change the plan at the last minute and suddenly my entire mental schedule is in chaos.

So my friends understand that.

I know that with them I can make plans with, go out with, have dinner with, laugh with, but who also understand when I want to disappear into my own little world for an evening.

And yes, I still want love

Being independent doesn't mean I don't want someone to share my life with.

I do.

At 35, I want something serious and stable. Someone who shares my general vision of life, someone I have things in common with and can actually build something with.

Someone I can talk to, rely on and feel supported by.

I want a relationship where both people have their own lives but choose to share them.

The casual games and random one-night things can stay with the younger crowd.

I think there's something really nice about reaching an age where you know more clearly what you want — and, perhaps even more importantly, what you don't want.

I stopped comparing my timeline to everyone else's

If there's one thing I want to leave behind in my 30s, it's the feeling that I should already have everything figured out.

I'm less concerned with where everyone else is.

Some people have the career. Some have the house. Some have the marriage. Some have children. Some have travelled the world. Some seem to know exactly what they're doing.

And some of us are still figuring things out.

That's okay.

I'm not spending my 30s looking sideways at someone else's life and wondering whether I'm behind.

I'm more comfortable with my own timing.

More independent. More confident. More willing to try things. More willing to change my mind. More willing to admit that something isn't working and do something about it.

And maybe a little less obsessed with having everything under control.

Although I'm not promising miracles on that last one.

I want these years to feel like mine

When I think about my life and my 30s in New York, I don't picture some perfect life.

I picture ordinary days that I actually enjoy.

Morning yoga and coffee. Walking through the city. Working from my little desk. Taking the subway somewhere just because I feel like going. Meeting a friend for dinner. Spending a Saturday alone. Coming home to my cats. Having someone I love to call at the end of the day.

I want ambition and freedom.

I want independence without feeling isolated.

I want people I love, but I also want my own space.

I want to keep discovering New York while slowly creating my own version of it.

Most of all, I want my 30s to feel like the beginning of a new chapter — one where I stop waiting for life to start and actually let myself live it.

At 35, I don't think I need to have everything figured out.

I just want to be happy with the life I'm building.

Image Credit by (1) Konrad Nowacki, (2) Jason Briscoe, (3) Yoav Aziz on Unsplash

Written by Laura

Creator of Live Your Dreams Fully, a website exploring NYC daily life POV, seasonal moments, weekly city updates, and short stories inspired by New York City.